The above picture may not be clear enough to read, please click on it, I worked hard on it.
Ok, so I am still behind the times on this whole blog thing. I have found that I just dont have a whole lot of interesting things to say. I dont have one of those great jobs where 6 year olds give me constant blog material, I dont have any strong political views, except that I hate all politics, I dont have a family, at least not here with me, that I can write endlessly about, and I am not sure that you all want me to rant and rave about BYU football for week after week. But dont worry, I will get going eventually and give you all something to read while you are sitting at your desks when you should be working. Let me give you a sneak preview of whats to come sometime down the road. Mullets: A hisory. Tramp Stamps: Another history. People watching at the fair/demo derby (still in the works.) All sorts of top ten lists (one on hot female athletes, just to appease Stephanie.) And many more. Maybe I should take some sort of poll to get some ideas of what people out there want to hear about from me. But for now, I am going to take off a little bit from Jon's Chuck Norris blog and eventually get into a list.
One of my favorite shows growing up was "The Simpsons." I think this is pretty much a prerequisite for being a guy. My brothers and I were so serious about our love of the show that we told my only sister that any potential husband had to pass a series of questions. Within those questions was whether or not he was a Simpsons fan and how could he prove it. Luckily Dan passed the test and they now have two awesome kids. Watching the show as a kid was made difficult at times because my mother banned us from watching it from time to time. I always found a way though. Its funny to look back now and watch the early episodes, when Bart had a "really" foul mouth, and compare it to what is on TV today. If my mother knew then what she knows now she would have let us watch The Simpsons and only The Simpsons.
I could get int
o a list of my favorite episodes and why but that could get pretty big. I will say though that two of my all time favorite episodes are the "Tomacco" and the "Beer Baron" episodes. In the first Homer decides to become a farmer. In his vast inexperience he decides to plant a "little of everything" and fertilizes it with plutonium. The final product is "Tomacco," a tomato with a dried tobacco center that is instantly addictive. Bart gets addicted as well as the farm animals who go crazy and start tearing the farm apart demanding more tomacco through a new found speech they have developed. Classic. In the "Beer Baron" Homer turns to Bootlegging when a 200 year old prohibition law is enforced in Springfield. After Chief Wiggum fails to catch the "Beer Baron," Homers secret alias, Rex Banner is sent in from the United States Treasury
Department to hunt him do
wn. Once agian, just a classic episode, this one in particular has a few of my favorite lines. At one point Homer comes up from the basement where he has built his own distillery and Marge asks Homer what he is doing down there, Homers reponse is "Marge, I dont want to lie to you" and then he just walks away. Just good writing right there.I could go on and on, showing that there truely is some form of geek in me. But like I said before, this is every guys calling, to be a Simpsons geek. If your man doesnt appreciate The Simpsons and quote them at every chance he gets, well, he might be gay, 70 years old, a women, or a gay 70 year old women.
One of the things I have always loved about the show for some reason is trying to catch what Bart is writing on the chalkboard during the opening credits. For those of you that dont know, it is different for every new episode. I can imagine that several of these came about because of real life situations that the writers were either part of or have heard of. I am telling you, teachers have the most interesting job sometimes, if you dont beleive me just ask Kristi. I have compiled a list of some of my favorite ones. They are as follows.
- Organ transplants are best left to professionals
- Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
- They are laughing at me, not with me
- I will not trade pants with others
- I am not a 32 year old woman
- I will not get very far with this attitude
- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
- Hamsters cannot fly
- I will not torment the emotionally frail
- I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
- the Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
- Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
- I do not have power of attorney over first graders
- I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
- I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
- I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge
- I will not prescribe medication
- I will not teach others to fly
- I will not bring sheep to class
- I will not yell "she's dead" at roll call
- No one is interested in my underpants
- I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
- My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
- I am not deliciously saucy
- I will not instigate revolution
- I do not have diplomatic immunity
- Goldfish dont bounce
- Ralph wont "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
- I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
9 comments:
This is an excellent start to my morning. My favorite is: I will not yell "She's dead!" at roll call.
I remember this guy I really liked called me once to ask me out. He asked me what I was doing and when I said, "Watching the Simpsons" I could tell I earned a few points.
I've never seen the Tomacco episode!
Now, these are the lists that I like to see! The Simpsons are hilarious and any guy that is a "Simpson Geek" is hilarious as well. I like hilarious...
Thank you for a wonderfully productive morning. That just made my day, and I'm not a Simpson's fan. Maybe I should become one.
You're such a dork! I know that you like women and you have your favorite hot female athletes. My whole point in our Lolo conversations is that I'm mystified by the fact that you just can't admit Lolo is smokin' hot. Every girl and every guy will admit Lolo is gorgeous except for you. Why you can't is what intrigues me.
"I am not deliciously saucy" is my favorite by far.
My mom didn't want us watching the Simpsons either but if she ever happened to be in the room when it was on she always laughed.
My mom NEVER let us watch the Simpsons. I still remember my brother and I trying to get away with watching it with the volume down really low, my mom always had a sense for when were up to something, because she would always find us and turn it off. All of my growing up years, I seriously thought that was a REALLY bad show. It's actually pretty amazing and clever.
So I think you should do a blog about your tri, and show pictures. Maybe even a picture of the tri shorts. That would rock. I totally put up a picture of me in my tri shorts! Now you have to.
the reason our parents didn't let us watch it really wasn't because it was that bad. it was because it was a CARTOON that was that bad. the satire was a lot more understandable in the 'archie bunker' format. kids and parents not used to the idea that animation didn't necessarily mean 'just for kids' needed to get used to the whole concept. now simpsons is the cleanest cartoon on tv thanks to south park and family guy and stuff. great couple of episodes. both are in my top 20. i really like 'i will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.'
The "badness" was really illustrated in the South Park where Cartman and Bart are talking in the lobby of fox studios and Cartman asks Bart what the worst thing he has done is and Bart says "i cut the head off a statue once" and then Cartman goes off. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbn71yRWicY&translated=1
I love the Simpsons! My parents didn't have any rules on me....I'm the baby and can do what I want :)
I think you should blog about how mean some of your lil neighbor kids are. I swear the chubby lil guy was going to throw a brick at me! But honestly I'm surprised your having a hard time finding things to blog about. Didn't you say your life was a soap opera? If you write anything about me you have to use my code name Gina (as in Damn Gina!)
:)
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